There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
Yeah, I love being famous. It’s almost like being white, y’know
We got so much food in America we’re allergic to food. Allergic to food! Hungry people ain’t allergic to shit. You think anyone in Rwanda’s got a fucking lactose intolerance?!
If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you’re ahead of the game.
Men are as faithful as their options.
Comedy is the blues for people who can’t sing.
I do what I can do when I can do it.
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
Women need food, water, and compliments
And an occasional pair of shoes.
Only married people understand you can be miserable and happy at the same time.
You don’t pay taxes-they take taxes.